Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Randomize
