I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
