I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
