Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Congratulations! We have a period
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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