I think I am morally bankrupt
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
