I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
