I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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