hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
