My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
