I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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