chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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