Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
