Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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