Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
