piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
