O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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