i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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