she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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