So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
