Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
