I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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