I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
