WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
