my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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