I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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