just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
