thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
