erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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