these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
