I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
