He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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