ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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