I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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