Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
