on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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