I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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