i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
