Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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