Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Your shirt... Was in my pants
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
