i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm getting married
To pizza
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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