tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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