Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
