he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
