Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
