he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
