yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
We got so high we made milksteak
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
