Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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