If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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