I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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