tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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