i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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