Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
there is glitter all over my balls
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
