He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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