I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Why is your signature on my underwear?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
